Padded Cell, Quilted Nation

Need we look any further than the recession to explain society’s current obsession with quilted garments? Faced with the blight and uncertainty of these times, can we truly look with any wonder on the fact that the weakest among us have regressed to their very earliest infancy and now seek to clothe themselves in a poor imitation of their childhood safety blanket – the very same blanket, let us remember, that represented for them the unfailing security of the ever-full breast and the unfettered freedom of the never-empty nappy? In order to cure this infectious malaise, surely it behoves our government to establish a nationwide network of drop-in centres where the afflicted may freely suck at the breast and soil themselves free from reproach or censure. The truly Big Society begins with ‘The Community Chest’ (to borrow a phrase) and a Bank where the public are encouraged to actually leave a deposit rather than forever be withdrawing. Then and only then will we free ourselves of all this bed linen and begin to live again as men.

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